Bank: "You don't need to worry about the address on this closed account being wrong. It's not like we send tax documents with social security numbers through the mail or anything. Also, we're the most secure!"
Me: **Trying to find a professional way to reply with "Bitch, please."
The resolution seems to be "OtherBank is going to charge me X% on what I make off this account instead of you, because you refused to believe that I don't work for a company that doesn't exist anymore and hasn't been your client in a decade."