careful w/that axe eugene debs @md@mastodon.technology

My new psych drug regimen has me unbearably angry all the time. My appointment is next Tuesday. Hope I have the strength to not burn any bridges between now and then.

Man Eovaldi is having a tough night

MLB on AppleTV has a very obvious Apple aesthetic. Lots of translucent rounded edges and San Francisco Font. Very strange.

Omg Sox are on AppleTV+

There are so many musicians in my little hometown (Portland, Maine) on Bandcamp.

Ideas have room to breathe here - they aren’t crowded out by pop culture comedians and celebrities and politicians. Ideas can safely incubate here. Word can spread here, quietly, before they’re generally known.

Just saw that @thunderbird is on here and it made me wonder: does niche somewhat-nerdy technology stand a better chance at success when there are nerdier, more niche communities where they can be incubated and get attention from us? Could Firefox get off the ground today, when the dominant news outlets are shared with Elon Musk and Stephen Colbert and Rihanna, vs. Slashdot and Usenet? Can Mastodon encourage a “geek” technology renaissance?

I think one of my biggest life regrets will be not moving to a modern industrialized country to have and raise my children. I know it would’ve been a privilege, but I could’ve gone where they would’ve had the best opportunity to have a fulfilling life where the people are more apt to take care of each other. Ours is a crumbling empire whose leaders have nothing but contempt for its ordinary citizens.

Need to get to work early this AM. Didn’t have time to prep for sprint planning yesterday and don’t want to look like a dufus today. A lot of my work motivation is “don’t want to look like a dufus.” Perhaps that is unhealthy.

Woke up angry which inevitably yields to sadness. As it has my entire life. Really my depression and anxiety always seem to be rooted in anger as its trigger. So perhaps I have anger management issues. I’ve never physically harmed anyone or been destructive with it, so I’ve tended not to look at my mental health issues through an “anger management” lens. First mentioned it to my therapist last week, who knows, maybe I’ll turn a corner.

Trying one of those CBT journaling apps. I’ve had major depression for all of my adult life. I’m tired. I’m tired of being sad and the people who care about me are tired of me. On my third therapist now and she doesn’t help. After trying a half dozen SSRIs trying remeron. Wish something actually worked. People aren’t supposed to be on SSRIs for 20 years, yet here I am.

Back to Amaroq. Tootle’s notifications were messed up, which is a shame cuz it was a great client otherwise.

Happy May Day y’all !

The Patriots draft this year was… fucking weird. I dunno. I think I understand most of it but I’m shocked by the complete lack of linebackers, which is a huge need for the team rn.

@md to be clear, sometimes != always. I definitely got lucky af. Some of my colleagues did not fare so well. I’m grateful that I ended up on the lucky side this time.