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Finally got my single-board-computer working as a USB device! 
Now to get the host side working.
And here's a shoutout to the Linux kernel for letting me do almost all of this in user-space! 
@doneljan It's like a rpi, but smaller. This one's about the size of a credit card. It's a NanoPi NEO 4.
@cuchaz cool. Looks like a raspberry pi or is it?