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I don't think I can actually focus on work today. But that's... exactly what I need to do, to try to not think too much.


Oh, I strongly hate country music.

Especially the subclass best described as sickeningly romantic country music.

My current three favorite songs are BB, Lake by the Ocean, and The Best Part.

All three are in a class I thought I'd never actually want to listen to again.

Sex life... 

I've never been in an arrangement where I'm purely submissive.

Then again, I don't initiate anything unless I know how to read the other person and can tell that they'd be down anyway, because I really hate being rejected (especially in that context).

But... I could be purely submissive if his sex drive were higher.

I'll ask again: if anyone is aware of a paying gig that falls under the umbrellas of PHP/HTML5/CSS/JS or C/C++...

Wish me (or really, I guess, my computer) luck in today's hunt for my missing Bitcoin wallet keys.

Curses on me for being such a moron a decade ago, yes. "You'll never need them," I was promised.

yeah i'd settle for just getting a damn thing that brings enough money in that he'll fucking rest

i'm so tired of this loop over and over stress and worry and ugh

why is it so hard to make shit work

i feel like i have nobody to call

if i call t he'll want to come home and he'll be distracted and we need money but where the hell is the money

@Archimage yeap. another monday.

one day past rent day, and that means more trying to scurry to pay it

Oh, I hurt so much.

I just need one thing to work. Just one damned thing to make enough money so I can get out of pain. So I can stop hurting. Universe, c'mon, this shouldn't be too much to fucking ask.

T came back, less one couch surfer.

He said OMG it’s been forever since we had alone time

Yay he wanted alone time!


Goddamnit, this week is going to be a -20 Resist Emotional Breakdown week, isn't it.

You know an emotion runs deep when you have an effective dissociative utility and even it falls you.

Deep emotions should be outlawed.


I am feeling really lonely right now.

This week might be worse than I thought it would be.

One year anniversary of being kicked out of a fifteen year marriage... and my kids house and it’s Thanksgiving and T’s out and about and...

... I can’t stop crying. Fuck.

I'm not much for saying "Good Night" anymore... except to my children, 'cuz they really like that shit...

... and most of my nights are, well, a bit on the lonely side and full of pain, so not "good," really. They're just there.

But I'm takin' a break for now.

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